Oh, dear. :( I wish I could come back with a happy post. But, alas, I cannot.
If I wasn't writing about this urgent event, I would be writing about selling my horse, or Gordon's severe loneliness since our break-up and how that is affecting me.
Mitch has complicated and frustrating situations with his mother. Situations that make me very
VERY sad, and very
VERY angry. His marks weren't all that great a couple months ago. He was quite sick, migraines, so he got some bad marks which brought his average down. But he would never tell the teachers, or probably his mother, that his migraines were that bad. Anyways, he got
lectured often, by his mother, regarding how he will be a failure, how he won't do anything with his life, how he doesn't try hard enough, etcetera. He isn't allowed on the computer for anything but homework (not that it stops him, sorry but thats TOO controlling.), He's not allowed sleeping in on weekends, he is made to take piano and play for a designated time period daily,--- he will complain when she INSISTS to proof read his work, because she will end up changing most of it, and he will get a worse mark, because she took control.On top of that, she thinks he's a pothead , who KNOWS why, but he would never do drugs.
So, of course, I wondered where all this would come from. I figured his slipping grades and stuff.
Anyways, He has since gotten medication for his migraines (that give him terrifyingly low heart rate), and he has put 110% effort into everything, and his marks are going back up. Tonight, his mom had a huge lecture at him for half an hour about how he doesn't try, no effort, blah blah. He insisted that he did, but she won't believe him -- she wouldn't even believe that he got a 31/30 on his most recent major English assignment. As Gordon said -- she
expects too much of him, yet expects too little. (I have been sobbing uncontrollably for the last couple hours, Gordon really helped calm me down, talked me through it and stuff).
I asked him if he argued back to her verbal abuse. His response:
"You dont understand how she argues.
She comes in knowing what she thinks, and won't leave until you agree with her"
He gets very little sleep. VERY little. I asked him if he has told his mom. He said no. He said that he did once, and the response was that it was
his fault. That he needs to
do more. Insomnia isn't HIS FAULT. He does a hellovalot more than most people do in a day. Most of it forced upon by his mother, nonetheless.
He was EXTREMELY sick today, I asked why he didn't stay home. He said, because he
couldn't tell his mom that he was sick. I asked why not. He said, because she'd say it was
his fault.
She thinks
SO negatively. And puts him down. Repeatedly. And won't accept that he is NOT a failure, yet will not accept for him to be anything less than perfect.
I was so upset. I was bawling. Gordon was there for me though, and talked me through it. He talked me through his mom's side of it, how maybe she has a hard time with the fact that she can not have control over him forever. That he is becoming independent. That she has to trust him to make the right choices.
Gord reinforced my belief that Mitch has to stand up to her more. To NOT back down.
There is no reason he needs to agree with her. He should not agree with her if she is not right.She may be a parent, but she is also a person. And people have the capabilities of being wrong.
He needs to stand up to her, no matter the immediate consequences, to end this.
Gordon also reminded me, that
I cannot change the situation. I can only be there for him, to support him, and to cheer him up. I now understand why his self worth was so low a couple months back. That is the total opposite role that a mother should be taking in her child's life. It hurts me so much to watch, I can only imagine how
he feels. . .
Oh, and I forgot to mention. He won't bring his dad into it. He will not discuss it with his father. He wouldn't give me a reason. Just a simple "no". Maybe by telling his father he would be admitting it is a problem?
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