Not finishing my last post. Sorry. But. Well. Can't go there.
Too hard. Way too hard. You cant have sex with---
no
nevermind. forget it.
this is about me being fat. I hate it. I hate it so much. SO much. I--- I don't even----
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE having everybody around me (okay, so, two people, Mitch and Jordan, of course), my bestest friends in the whole world, telling me that i am gorgeous. Sexy. Cute. Hot. I HATE IT, because I am NOT!!!!! I am SO far from that. I am 136lbs of LARD. I have massive bulging eyes, and just generally UGLY face, the only thing I want is to be thin :'(. If I can't have the looks, I at LEAST want the body.
Breaking Dawn comes out on August 2nd. Jordan was insisting on buying me a dress for the midnight masquerade, a dress to match that of Bella's prom dress. I told him that if I get down to 124 by then I will let him buy me a dress. Thats a month. And a week and a half. ish.
But it is summer. FUCK. I was supposed to be thin for SUMMER. well I am INSISTING on not becoming ANY fatter than I am now, thats for sure. So the only direction I can go is skinny....
{thinspo. yes im jumping onto this train that I always said I wouldn't.}
Jessica Alba. She is who I feel like being today.
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